Timeline Introduction

Introduction: Growing Families International [GFI] has been controversial within the Christian church for a long time. With the publication of Babywise, the Ezzos extended their influence into the secular world.

Purpose: To illustrate that the present-day controversy surrounding Ezzo is the consequence of longstanding patterns of behavior and questionable advice.

Why Read This? To avoid repeating history and to evaluate the Ezzos' suitability to provide guidance in infant care and parenting.

Corrections and additions to the timeline may be directed to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

More nap-training difficulty from the Ezzo follower in Michigan

More from the mother in Michigan:

[cont'd from the Day 5 post]:

We're now on Day 5 of Timothy's retraining for naps. Yesterday was the most difficult day ever. I thought the screaming and crying for 45 minutes was difficult, but I could endure because I felt sure that this was the right thing to do. However yesterday, when I saw a little blood, it was hard not to panic and question my methods.

I am actually not concerned at all about the blood -- it was just a little, Timothy's fine, and my doctor said it was nothing. However, I am extremely disturbed by what has happened to his voice. At one point yesterday I thought he was asleep, and when I checked by his door, he was really crying, but he couldn't make any noise. This broke my heart and I started crying also. I am nervous that this is doing damage to his throat, and that he is in pain (with a sore throat, I mean). Do you think I should keep pushing him? Has anyone else's baby lost their voice?

Yesterday's naps went as follows: Morning: slept 45, cried 45, did not resettle Afternoon: slept 45, cried 10, slept 30 (Hooray!) Early Evening: slept 30, cried 30, and then I got him because I couldn'ttake it

Any suggestions are welcome. (Tylenol or water maybe?). Also, your prayers mean more to me than I can express. I know that God is faithful and that He is working both in me and my son.


A contact mom replies:

Well, I would try to follow one plan consistently for a week. It does take some time for the baby to adjust to a routine. Also, I would listen for the type of cry. If it's off & on, you know he's trying to resettle. If it's solid for more than 15 minutes, then he may well need your assistance to help
him calm down, and it's fine to go in, hold him a bit & put him back down. If he'll calm down with you just patting his back or talking to him, I'd try that. If after a week you don't see any improvement at all, post again & we'll take another look at things. Please let us know how things go!

Another response:

In an earlier post, you raised concerns about Timothy's voice being hoarse. Reminded me of when we were going through the "tough days" when R. was a baby. Her voice was constantly hoarse -- I was sure I was to blame and she'd be scarred for life. Well, I'm happy to report that she has a beautiful voice and a couple of months ago (when she turned 2) began singing!

Timothy's mother replies:

Thank you so much for that little bit of encouragement. Hearing that hoarse voice is heart-breaking! However, after about 5 days, Timothy is getting his voice back -- hooray! A doctor I spoke with over the weekend assured me that no amount of crying would hurt his throat. We're starting to see some progress, so we're just keeping with it.

Timothy's mother writes in again:

Timothy and I are on Day 13 of trying to retrain his naps to
go from 45 minutes to 1-1/2 hours. In all honesty, I was hoping things would move faster than this, but we'll just keep plugging away.

We occasionally have success with nap 2, where he'll wake at 45 and then resettle to sleep another 45. Naps 1 and 3 are pretty consistently 45 minutes, and then crying the 2nd 45. I get a little confused with what to do with the schedule when this happens. Do I just leave the schedule as is, feeding and putting him down as planned, even if he's overtired, or do I adjust and count the 45 minutes of crying as wake time? If so, what happens at the end of the day?


And again:

Day 19:
Hello, it's me again. I'm sitting at my computer this evening fighting back the tears. We are on Day 19 of trying to retrain Timothy to take at least 1-1/2 hour naps, and in 19 days, we've seen 3 uninterrupted naps and 2 where he's resettled himself. The rest have been waking at 45 minutes and crying for 45, with many waking even at 25 minutes. I have been listening to so much crying that I think my heart is going to break. I feel like the cruel-est mother. I am willing to endure this if it will bring about what is best for my son, but I'm starting to question if that will ever happen. Is this a normal time frame, or am I doing something wrong? Along with trying to be as consistent as possible with the GFI principles, I kneel down in prayer every morning and evening, and before and during each nap, praying specifically that Timothy will have peace and sleep well. Is there any encouragement or suggestions that anyone can offer? I just don't know what to do anymore.

 


Another mother replies:

i am new at this too....

am retraining my 11wk old..it is so hard..but i just keep telling myself...it's gotta get better...we are only on day 6 or so...my poor guy sounds hoarse from all his crieng...

just wanted to let ya know you're not alone in your confusion....sorry i don't have any answers..

 


Then a GFI Contact Mom replies:

....YES, IT IS WORTH IT. I'm convinced that some babies are just plain harder to "sleep train"....So, I just encourage you to continue in your prayers for little Timothy and look long term...I know you feel you've been doing this forever, but it will pay off, he will become a good, long sleeper in time. It took Tyler 6 months, and I sounded just like you. I was doing everything "right", it just wasn't working. But, it was...it just took longer than everyone I knew....

Please keep writing. I want to follow Timothy. Feel free to email me too.

Love in Him,

xxxxxx


Timothy's mother has another update:

Day 23:

We have been going through a lot this past month trying to retrain Timothy to take good naps by letting him cry it out. One of the frustrating things is that our doctor is not in agreement with this practice. I have put it to a lot of prayer, and feel it is the right thing for Timothy right now, but it is very difficult not having the support of your doctor. We would like to change physicians for that and other reasons, and would really like to find a doctor who supports GKGW, or at least scheduling and letting a baby cry. Does anyone know of any ways to find a doctor like this, other than picking up the telephone and scheduling personal interviews (which is what I will have to do if I can't think of anything else). I'd love to hear suggestions. By the way I live in [name of town.]

Key Documentation

LIVING HOPE EVANGELICAL FELLOWSHIP:
Excommunication Statement

GRACE COMMUNITY CHURCH:
Statement about Ezzo - Materials

GRACE COMMUNITY CHURCH:
Statement about Ezzo - Character

CHRISTIAN RESEARCH INSTITUTE:
"The Cultic Characteristics of Growing Families International"
(originally titled "More than a Parenting Ministry")

CHRISTIAN RESEARCH INSTITUTE:
"GFI"
(orginally titled "A Matter of Bias?")

CHRISTIANITY TODAY:
Unprepared to Teach Parenting?

CHRISTIANITY TODAY:
Babywise Publisher Plans Contract Cancellation

AMERICAN ACADEMY of PEDIATRICS:
Media Alert

Guide to Abbreviations

GFI--Growing Families International, The Ezzos' for-profit company

CRI---Christian Research Institute, a leading Christian cult research and apologetics teaching organization

GCC---Grace Community Church, the large church pastored by Dr. John MacArthur where Ezzo was employed and from which he launched GFI. GFI materials that refer to Ezzo's "10 years as Pastor of Family Ministries in Sun Valley, California " are referring to this experience.

LHEF---Living Hope Evangelical Fellowship, Ezzo's place of worship after leaving GCC, pastored by Ezzo's friend and former GFI staff member Dave Maddox.

CT---Christianity Today, a well-respected monthly news and features magazine

GKGW--"Growing Kids God's Way", the centerpiece of the Ezzos' parenting curriculum, usually studied in weekly classes for 18 weeks.