FAQ

Frequently Asked Questions

• I think that a person with common sense can sift through Babywise and apply it in a reasonable and flexible manner. Isn't that how anyone would approach any parenting book?

  Ezzo markets Babywise as a guidebook for inexperienced, new parents -- common sense is compiled from life experience.  The authors' ideas are presented after a lengthy and often inaccurate portrayal of other ideas and options. This predisposes the reader to be alarmed about other approaches and to accept that of Babywise uncritically.

  Many parenting books offer information which parents can apply selectively, but Babywise is an "infant management plan" intended to be taken as a whole. Adherence to the book's program is linked with attaining the promised benefits, while straying too far from its parameters is portrayed as creating problems.

  Many former users of Babywise told people at the time that they were tempering the method with common sense and flexibility. Yet in hindsight they admit, "Now that I am more experienced, I realize I was far too wrapped up in doing things by the book. I should have relaxed and enjoyed my baby."

• But I'm nervous about how this new baby will impact our life and Babywise sounds so good!

  Babywise and its church-based counterpart, Preparation for Parenting, promote a one-size-fits-all set of parent-centered rules for sleep, feedings, and wake time. Contrary to their claims, these precepts are potentially unhealthy for the child, and leave parents focused on the clock, the rules, and the book, rather than on what their individual baby needs in order to grow and develop physically and emotionally.
  
  Healthy parenting is responding to your baby, meeting your baby's needs, in a way your intuition tells you is right. A high-touch, attentive approach to parenting is enjoyable because it builds both confident parents and loving, sensitive, and connected kids. [Answer adapted from the tri-fold brochure "Intrigued by the claims of Babywise?"]

• I'm aware of the controversy and some of the reasons for it, but my church just announced they are starting GFI classes soon. How do I approach my church leadership about this?

  Others in your situation have found that their church leaders were either unaware of the controversy or had dismissed concerns in favor of trusting the Ezzos' explanation. Some respectful dialogue may help in either case. If they are simply unaware, you can bring them a selection of items you hope they'll consider (keeping in mind that a huge stack of articles and documents might be overwhelming!)

  However, in some cases, church leaders strongly identify with the Ezzos' ideas and simply believe the explanations the Ezzos offer regarding critics and criticism. Therefore, they believe that they will find no merit in any evidence you could offer. In this situation it's disturbing to realize they have chosen to believe the Ezzos over a host of credible, reputable Christian leaders who have voiced concerns. Unfortunately, some church leaders have made that choice, and there may be little you can do to change their minds.

• Why is this website so unbalanced? Aren't you just biased by your own parenting preferences?

  Actually, authors of materials presented in this collection parent in a variety of ways and in many cases they have considerable expertise and professional recognition in disciplines that the Ezzos attempt to address without training and expertise. We hope you will evaluate the information based on whether it is logical, fair and accurate - and do the same with the Ezzos' material.  Their company website is www.gfi.org.

• Why is this website named www.ezzo.info if this is not a pro-GFI website?

  Some would ask why the name "www.ezzo.info" for this site; after all, that would seem to be a name suggesting sponsorship by Gary Ezzo. Steve Rein, the owner of the site responds, "The reason is that when I finally got around to spending some time re-organizing my old website I went looking for domain names because I thought it would be far easier to remember a URL like "www.ezzoinfo.net" than whatever that old URL was. When I typed "ezzo" into one of those domain name searches it came up that www.ezzo.info was not registered. This was a full four months after the .info domain names went up for sale, so I figured Gary Ezzo didn't want the name himself and that this URL will be easier for folks to remember. I am also perhaps one of the few people who is spending time explaining my domain name :)"

• Why is Ezzo quoted incorrectly in some articles?

  In the cases we have seen where this objection has been raised, Ezzo was quoted correctly from the edition that was current at the time the article was written.

About This Site

There are many purposes that I hope this site serves.

Primarily, I hope that it serves as a valuable resource for parents who are interested in information about the Ezzo method of parenting, hence the name www.ezzo.info. What I mean by Ezzo method is the method that Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo (and Robert Bucknam) advocate in their books, tapes and parenting courses. The most well known of these are Babywise, Growing Kids God's Way and Preparation for Parenting.

Of course, there are some who, because I am a critic of the Ezzo method, will discount what I would write. Because of that I tend to not write very much at all, but would rather just provide links to what others have written and, in many cases, host the files myself.

Some other critics of the Ezzo method would rather me not provide direct links to www.growingfamiliesusa.com, the website of Gary Ezzo's company that promotes his parenting materials written for Christians. While I respect that point of view, I would rather parents have full information before they make any decisions, even if some of that information is advocating ideas I may not agree with.

Other questions one might have about this site are probably covered in the Frequently Asked Questions page. If you have any questions not covered there, please don't hesitate to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. 

Ezzo Parenting Controversy 101

Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo got their start in the mid-80's teaching a parenting class through the church where Gary Ezzo was on staff, Grace Community Church (GCC) in Sun Valley CA. The personable parents of two daughters, they were well received. They formed Growing Families International with the help and support of several other couples and developed a full line of parenting curricula for church-based classes, including Preparation for Parenting and Growing Kids God's Way. Their church and its high-profile pastor, Dr. John MacArthur, were well-respected around the world for the popular "Grace to You" radio program and for Dr. MacArthur's books and Bible commentaries, and this association lent credibility to the Ezzos and provided an unusually powerful platform from which to launch their ministry and curricula. The church withdrew its support for the Ezzos and their materials in the mid-90's. The co-founding couples also withdrew their support.  This trail of broken relationships eventually, around 2002, came to include the Ezzos' own daughters.

In 1993, the Ezzos began marketing secular parenting books whose content mirrored their church material. On Becoming Babywise, often nicknamed simply Babywise, is the best-known of that line. It provides expectant parents with what it describes as an "infant management plan" for babies from birth to six months of age to get the baby sleeping through the night by around 8 weeks, to prevent the new family member from encroaching on the closeness the couple enjoyed in their pre-baby days, and to begin to instill a sense of discipline in the baby.

"Growing Kids God's Way" is the centerpiece of their church-based material. It's intended for use in an 18-week class and includes a lengthy study manual, DVDs to view in a class and a teacher's guide.

Overall, the Ezzos' material reflects their concern that parental authority needs to be revived. They advocate strong parental control and believe that the husband/wife relationship should be "the priority relationship" of the family. While children should be regarded as "welcome members" of the family, parents are warned not to place them at the center of the family, nor to expect to form a friendship with their children until they are grown.

Babywise presents a parent-directed schedule or "routine" for nursing, napping and wake-times to give parents control over their baby's day. The Ezzos believe this promotes character formation in the infant 1 by giving the baby experience in delayed gratification and submission to parental direction. 2 By contrast, they have portrayed demand feeding of infants as a dangerous, child-centered practice which indulges undisciplined desires for instant gratification. 3, 4, 5

In addition to its role in establishing parental authority, the Ezzos present the the schedule as the mechanism that causes the baby to sleep through the night by seven to nine weeks of age--thus providing incentive for tired new parents who might otherwise abandon the program and parent by common sense and instinct.

Unfortunately, the Babywise schedule has not been demonstrated to be safe, and the American Academy of Pediatrics has issued a warning against parent-determined feeding schedules. 6 , 7 Ezzo nevertheless claims that his ideas are compatible with the AAP's recommendations by citing points of agreement while ignoring conflicts between the two.

Babywise, Book Two

On Becoming Babywise Book Two addresses parents of babies aged 5 to 15 months. The book outlines an approach where parents take full charge of the baby's activities.  Meals and naptimes continue on schedule, and additionally the baby's waketime activities "must be organized, rather than being free-for-all experiences" 9  Parents are to schedule daily "playpen times" in a location where the baby can't see his parents in order to teach the baby to play independently. When the playpen is outgrown, parents are instructed to confine the toddler alone in a room with a few toys for 30 to 60 minute segments once or twice a day.  Parents are warned not to allow the toddler to roam and engage in activities of his own choosing. 9, 10

At mealtimes, parents are instructed not to allow such "highchair violations" as touching food, dropping food, arching their backs, and blowing raspberries.  If these occur, parents are encouraged to swat, squeeze the hand or isolate the baby in his crib.

Ezzo recommends that parents practice daily "couch time" in order to demonstrate to their baby that their marriage is the priority relationship in the family. The baby should be present to witness "couch time" but must not interrupt it.  Ezzo believes when the baby regularly observes his parents' relationship during couch time, he will experience feelings of security which will alleviate many common childhood issues, including night waking.

Good points and bad

The materials could hardly be controversial if there was nothing of value whatsoever in them. Indeed, there are many good points in the Ezzos' teaching, and the Ezzos have an enthusiastic following. It should be pointed out that the good points in the Ezzos' material are held in common with virtually any comprehensive, responsible book or class on parenting. The Ezzos are definitely not alone in recognizing the importance of a strong, supportive marriage to the stability of the whole family, encouraging parents to exercise authority and teaching children to be considerate of others.

However, critics say the Ezzos' material overlooks or garbles important basic facts of child development, confuses matters of cultural etiquette with matters of absolute morality, and so strongly promotes their favored applications of biblical principles that their applications begin to be confused with biblical principles.  As I go back to their books to check page numbers, I'm struck by the tone of austerity and the sense of suspicion of natural parental warmth and compassion.

Ministry Controversy

In addition to controversy over the content of their books, there is also controversy over the Ezzos' lack of accountability, bad behavior and history of broken church, professional and family relationships, which seem curiously incompatible with the message of their books. [For a thorough treatment of this subject, complete with documentation, please see the Timeline.]

Ezzo has responded poorly to criticism, balking at even essentially friendly criticism of his books. In the mid-90's, the church that helped him launch his materials recommended making changes to his infant care manual, but Ezzo balked and retaliated by spreading rumors about the church. GCC eventually publicly disassociated themselves from him.

The Ezzo sought refuge at a church pastored by a friend who was involved in their organization, but within a three years even this church had excommunicated them.

Their accounting firm dropped them.

Their adult children cut off contact with them around 2002.

The publisher of Ezzo's secular books, Multnomah, returned publishing rights to him following an investigation of alleged medical misinformation and character problems. 

Leaving their estranged children and grandchildren in California, the Ezzos moved across country to South Carolina. Their secular and church-based lines of books are now self-published.

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1. "Much more is happening during feeding time than just filling up a little tummy. How you choose to feed your baby will have a profound effect on your child's hunger patterns, sleep patterns and basic disposition."
Babywise, 2001, pp. 29-30

2. "Because the desire for continual and immediate gratification begins at birth, the need for cultivating self-control in your child also begins then."
Preparation for Parenting, 3rd edition, p. 16.

3. "The methods used to manufacture a secure attached child too often produces [sic] the symptoms...[which include] low tolerance for delayed gratification"
Babywise, 2001, p. 34

4. "THE DANGERS OF DEMAND FEEDING.

Before we can expand on the benefits of the parent-controlled feeding plan, we first need to put to rest the second misconception stated at the top of this chapter: that a non-scheduled baby is happier, healthier and generally more secure when the parents react to his or her cries rather than a plan. Specifically we are referring to the practice of demand feeding.

"We desire to make our position very clear: demand feeding is not the medicine for the problem; it is the problem!"
Preparation for Parenting, 3rd edition, p. 58

5."Demand feeding is emotionally pragmatic but not practical. Pragmatism, loosely defined, puts whatever works above what is right and best: a baby cries, so feed it and stop the crying--a quick-fix. It is unfortunate, but many demand-feeding parents were thmselves raised on a quick-fix and now it is the only way they know how to parent. There is no true assessment of need, nor any thought given to long-term effects.

"This fix-it-now approach ignores basic metabolic conditioning for mother and child, negative reinforcement training, long-term behavioral problems, what it does to the family as a whole and the biblical affirmation of man's nature." Preparation for Parenting, pp 58-59, 3rd ed.

6. American Academy of Pediatrics Media Alert on Scheduled Feedings, 1998;

7. American Academy of Pediatrics Policy Statement on Breastfeeding, 2005

8. Babywise, 2001, pp. 150-151

9. On Becoming Babywise, Book Two, p. 80

10. On Becoming Babywise, Book Two, p. 70-71